The Office Summer Party

I am writing this at half past eleven at night on the train home a little worse for wears. I have just attended my first office party...in the office. It wasn't like 'The Office' where you are literally partying around your desks and photocopying private parts. It was held in the atrium which when you look up at the surrounding offices reminds me of a cross between a cruise ship and a shopping centre.

The theme was Carry on Camping. Suggestions please for possible costumes as nobody dressed up. We were all slightly confused by that one. I didn't feel that I had been there long enough to don a Barbara Windsor green bikini.

(I am now resuming this blog at 8:30 the morning after the night before.) The atrium was decorated with 2 open tents, some chairs, sun loungers, a few open umbrellas... and bunting! More village fete/queen's jubilee methinks? Still free food and drink was in abundance as the ground floor cafe was transformed for the event. It amused me no end to see the 3 floor to ceiling fridges - usually filled with healthy (ie, rabbit) food such as cucumber sticks wrapped in leaf of lettuce or selection of dried fruit on a bed of dried muesli and other such mouthwatering snacks - replaced with bottles of Carlsberg!

I don't think I embarrassed myself too much and I definitely didn't photocopy anything that shouldn't be photocopied. Perhaps my most cringeable moment was when I revealed to a large group of people my bitter disappointment at not having won the 'Name Jason Donovan's autobiography' competition after having thought about it all weekend and submitting about 20 possible contenders. My boss felt he had to give me a hug as the rest of the group fell about laughing. There's no need for that.

Flat out

It's been a crazy week. I am the most stressed I've been since I was teaching. The reason....our grand plans to be property tycoons.

Rhod and I decided that we would try to buy a second property - a flat in London that we would live in for a couple of years then sell on and make a fortune!? (Hmmm.) Rhod trusted me to view the flat on my own last Monday and going on my description over the phone gave me the go ahead to place the offer the following day. After some skilful bartering (gained from haggling over books with customers all day every day) we had our offer accepted on a flat in Southfields.

That was the fun part. What follows is the stressful part. Since last Wednesday I have spoken to 5 different solicitors, 1 patronising estate agent, 3 different financial advisors and approximately ten different people from the bank. What a delightful group of people to have to speak to everyday.

I think my conversations with various employees from my bank in a Birmingham call centre have been my favourite. On Monday it took phonecalls from 9 til 5 to find out the fax number to which I needed to send letters from our employers stating our salaries and subsequently to get a confirmation that they had been received. I never actually got to speak to the lady dealing with my application but I was told that she would be phoning me first thing yesterday. After refusing to put the phone down until I spoke to her I was on hold for 51 minutes while she was on another call. One of her colleagues then came on the phone and told me that she had just signed off her computer and was going to lunch. I flipped. I demanded her manager's number ("We can't give out that information madam") and that if she hadn't phoned me by 2 o'clock I would create merry hell. At 2:20 I gave in and phoned and miracle of miracles actually got straight through to her. "Oh hi Miss Finn, how are you?" F#*@ing livid is what I was but I resorted to a pathetic "Why didn't you call?" and continued in a frosty sarcastic tone throughout. I could have throttled her. She then had the audacity to say that she was posting me forms today but they might have missed today's post. I ended with "Well considering this phonecall should have taken place at 9am I expect to see it on my doormat tomorrow morning!" AAAHHHHHH!

Solicitors are just vile full stop (apart from my godfather who seems to have escaped the smarmy deceitful mercenary circle that most of them fall into.) It's the 2 hour lunch break that really gets to me though - enough time for a quick 9 holes and a good lunch. Never speak to them in the afternoons as they are either in a foul mood at having had a poor round or are even more smug at having won. It sickens me to see the breakdown of fees - as if they aren't charging us enough already they also want 35 quid plus VAT for a bank telegraphic transfer fee! What's wrong with a cheque I ask you? Sickening.

I am actually going to have to stop writing now as I am on the train on the way to work and I can already feel my blood pressure rising and am experiencing mild palpatations!

Let the countdown begin

Yesterday - June 21st- marked a year to the day until Rhod and I get married. So effectively it was our minus one year anniversary. I mused at the prospect of how one should celebrate such a day. Maybe someone should take away a paper item you own. Who knows?

I decided to celebrate it by pausing at several points throughout the afternoon and wondering what might be occuring that same time next year. Eg. At 1:10, will I have tripped over my dress in an unceremonious style whilst walking down the aisle towards my future intended? At 2:30, will I have spilt champagne all over me whilst the wedding car pulls away? At 5:00, will we have started eating yet as I'll no doubt be starving as always and in need of something to soak up the drink? At 8:20 will a child have started crying yet because it's been a "long day" and they're now tired and showing off? At 10:40 will my Dad be doing any 'dad dancing'? On that thought I fell asleep.

Who knows how the day will turn out? I've got a year to wait and see. Now where's that piece of paper gone?

Thank you for flying German wings

I don't have as many facebook friends as Anna. I've given this some thought and have come to the conclusion that this is probably a fair reflection of reality. But I do have aeroplane and airport friends and you can't really put a price on that friendship.

I fly Germanwings. It's a low cost German carrier so think Ryan Air or Easy jet but with Airbus planes as the Germans like to keep it local.

I am aware of the importance of advertising in the world. I am also aware that it is important to target your customers. I fly on a Monday morning wearing a suit. So do the majority, lets say 80% to use a completely made up statistic, of the other travellers. We, me and my friends who aren't on facebook, fly from London (yeah right) Stansted to Cologne. When I arrive in Cologne I am "looking forward" to work. I spring out of my seat desperate to get to work (desperate to get through passport control and to baggage claim first). Unfortunately before I am released from the plane I have to take my piece of Germanwings advertising.

The first time I was intrigued. Handed a pink latex thing in a clear plastic bag some strange thoughts ran through my head. On the bus to the terminal the suspense was too great so I ripped it open.

A beach ball! What the @#&* am I going to do in with a beach ball? Cologne, to my knowledge is not even near a beach and is certainly not famous for it's holiday resorts.

So my current collection of Beach balls is as follows. I gave one to my colleague who was going on holiday with his kids. There is one in my bedroom that I occasionally kick around. There is also one in my parents garden. Finally I keep 2 (still packed, obviously) in my laptop bag so that I am prepared for a rainy day/special occasion/emergency (delete as appropriate).

I think 5 is as many as I'm going to get. I can't wait to see the next form of advertising media.

The new love of my life

It was bound to happen. New jobs, new lives...it was only a matter of time before we found new love. This would explain the complete abandonment of this blogsite in recent weeks. But we're not ashamed. When you find new love you want to spend every waking minute with that person and Rhod and I both realise that it was worth putting wedding plans and house buying plans on hold while we grapple with this new hold on our lives. It's time you all knew...we are in love with a website called Facebook!

It has taken over my life, no seriously, it has, and it hasn't helped that my company endorses its employees using it during work time in order that we all"embrace the digital age." For those of you who don't know what I'm going on about, Facebook is a website which allows you to create your own profile and build up a network of friends and keep up to date with what's going on in their lives and their friends' lives. You can change your status, create your own groups, add photo albums and embarrass friends by 'tagging' them and if you're feeling frisky you can even 'poke' them! All you need to do to start is register your name and upload a photo of yourself. (Ok even the photo isn't compulsory but it sure helps, especially if you happen to be called John Smith.) It's Friends Reunited but without the ludicrous annual subscription. It's become a bit of a race between Rhod and I to see who has the most friends on Facebook. I won't say who's winning...huh hum. Oh and did I mention that it's incredibly addictive.

So if you haven't joined yet, stop reading this tripe and go to www.facebook.com now. We'll be waiting for you!

A big fat greek wedding

I'm a man involved (perhaps not as much as I should be) in the planning of a wedding. My contributions to the planning of this event have, so far, been fairly theoretical and I am working towards making a more tangible/valuable contribution.

Now choosing your wedding guests is a challenging tasks. I had a conversation with one of my friends who is soon to be married where he raised the often-thought-never-asked question, "Is it wrong to drop your cousins from your guest list in favour of your mates?" I pondered and answered and the conversation carried on. But it nonetheless got me thinking about the guest subject and in keeping with my theoretical planning led me to ask questions such as "How many spaces should be left for people we don't yet know?" I don't have an answer to this mainly because we don't know who we don't know and therefore don't know who they might be or how many of them there might be. As you can see this kind of thinking doesn't get anything done.

When I am in Cologne I do most of my travelling around in a taxi to and from the airport and normally to and from the office. We have an agreement with a local taxi firm and as a result we see the same drivers most of the time. They are our friends. A friendship based on the fact that once a week someone in our team has to hand over a credit card and pay a fairly hefty taxi bill.

This morning in the taxi with the usual taxi driver I and my colleagues were surprised when the driver handed us personal invitations to a wedding. As someone who doesn't know many people in Cologne I was confused as to who would invite me to their wedding.

As it turns out I don't know more people in Cologne than I thought. The wedding I have an invite for is the much anticipated union of the taxi driver's son and his fiancee to be held at a Greek orthodox church in Cologne on August bank holiday weekend.

I didn't really know what to say other than thanks but it got me thinking about guests. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't sure if I would invite my current co-workers currently sat in the cab with me to my wedding. I was pretty sure I wasn't inviting the taxi driver and as for the taxi driver's son and his (by the time of our wedding) wife. Well it was pretty unlikely unless I have a big falling out with some cousins and need to get the numbers back up.

I discussed the situation with one of my colleagues and said that I couldn't see me inviting the taxi driver's son to my wedding. My colleague agreed and pointed out that maybe I would spec my guest list differently if the taxi driver's son gave my family 2000 euros a month. He was right. I probably would.

Bad news is I can't make the wedding as I am already booked to attend my friend's wedding in Scotland. Problem is I need to RSVP and decline in a combination of Greek and German!

"Working" from Home

I'm working from home today. I worked from home yesterday and got a bit sunburned sat on Brighton beach. But honestly today I am working. I am sat in front of my laptop and my mobile is switched on and next to me. I'm not expecting it to ring as it's a bank holiday in Germany but I've switched it on just in case.

Now I'm not doing to well with this working from home thing. I've narrowed my current failings down to 3 potential things.

1. Sat in shorts, t-shirt and flip flops I am perhaps not in a work frame of mind. Maybe I should go and put my suit on and my productivity will improve.

2. Tea. I don't have tea in the office in Germany mainly because Tea is not a German thing and if I want coffee I have to pay for it and I am against that in principle. But at home I have an almost endless supply of Tetley teabags (I think there are 30 left) and it's great. I've had 4 cups already and I've not been going long. Soon I will have a 4th reason not to work which will be a side effect of drinking a huge amount of tea.

3. To my left I have another computer and on that computer my itunes library. It tells me that I have enough music for 40.7 days with out repeat. That means I can sit here "Working" solidly until around the 10th June without hearing the same song twice.

I have to go an take a plane to Germany tonight and even though I can take the same music from the computer with me on my iPod it doesn't appeal in quite the same way. I don't know why that is.

Well done to anyone who manages this working from home thing. You must have more will power than me but to be honest that is not an achievement worthy of listing on your CV.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be working and this is not getting anything project managed so I should stop. Just need to select a new album to listen to and maybe grab a quick cuppa....