"More porn please!"

It's not a phrase you expect to hear too often, particularly not at the end of a training course at work and particularly not uttered by a woman. But I am beginning to learn that is the world of publishing where anything, it seems, is possible.


Yesterday afternoon, the sales and marketing team were invited to attend a course on 'Viral Marketing.' It was not something I was particularly looking forward to but maybe that sort of bitterness comes from years of attending teaching courses covering thrilling topics such as 'differentiation', 'assessment' and my personal favourite 'PANDA analysis' (don't ask!)


The catering team had obviously preempted our Monday afternoon weariness as we were immediately treated to a fine selection of drinks and fancy biscuits (not a bourbon in sight.) They needn't have bothered really because the hour that followed just involved sitting back and watching a selection of quirky videos and adverts.


I should really point out here what 'viral marketing' means in case you were thinking that I had signed up for an advanced first aid course. The web gives various definitions such as

• any marketing technique that induces Web sites or users to pass on a marketing message to other sites or users, creating a potentially exponential growth in the message's visibility and effect.


• marketing phenomenon that facilitates and encourages people to pass along a marketing message.


• A campaign that uses word-of-mouth or “tell a friend” mechanisms.

Luckily for the men in the room, a lot of the most successful forms of viral marketing are based on the theory that sex sells. We were shown a series of clever video clips that were created as a result of popular adverts and have been viewed over the internet hundreds of thousands of times.


(If you really have got a lot of time on your hands this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNnkIww7Gwk is an example of viral marketing based on this popular Lynx advert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcQ3GL_QTus. Maybe not one for the workplace, but hey, I watched these at work!)


So basically our challenge is to come up with quirky ways of subtly advertising our products using this new phenomena. Call me a cynic but I'm having trouble coming up with a way of making an A-level Maths textbook appear sexy to my Middle Eastern customers!

Anyway, enough smut! The exciting news last week was that I got to go to the famous River Cafe recently voted 4th best restaurant in Britain (http://www.rivercafe.co.uk/). It was unbelievable (as were the prices) but I along with everyone else there had no intention of parting with our own money. My boss and I were taking a good customer out for lunch and we had prime seats inside by the open patio doors. The whole atmosphere was both sophisticated yet relaxed and I milked it by having 2 courses; carpaccio as a starter (or should I say antipasti) and salmon as my 'secondi piatti'. It was certainly the best italian food I have ever tasted. I also managed to polish off half a bottle of wine which made for some exaggerated business talk by yours truly along the lines of "So I see from your sales figures that the country takes a vested interest in science at international baccaleaureat level... blah blah blah." I had to re-enter my computer password 3 times when I got back to my desk. I'm not proud of myself (but it is quite funny you must admit!)

Last week was my most hectic at work yet as I was at the London Book Fair with the sales team at Earls Court. Now this may sound geeky but it wasn't as bad as you may think. The only thing I can compare it to is a 3 day long parents' evening! You arrange to meet customers from all over the world in half hour slots throughout the day, some show up, some don't, some overrun, some you haven't got much to say to, some moan, some are complimentary.... see what I mean? It was a great experience for me and it was nice to put faces to names. I received invites to a whole host of cool places for example Egypt, Singapore, UAE, the Caribbean and Africa. I hope to be taking these people up on their offers pretty soon. I need another holiday!

Highlights included being interrupted and surrounded mid-meeting by a poorly organised book signing by the famous Brazilian Paulo Coelho (I had never heard of him until I joined Collins!) We suddenly found ourselves in the midst of champagne-swilling, book-hugging fans keen to get their books signed and not caring who they inconvenienced on the way. The lifesize Shrek didn't go down too well in an arena full of adults and no children and apparently David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff was around but unfortunately I didn't spot him. Gutted.